


i just want somebody (near me)

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Fluff and Angst, I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO TAG THIS, M/M, Trans Iwaizumi Hajime, hajime baby. ur too gay, hajime ia gay ig, i am projcting shshshshshsshhhhhh, mentioned onlt a little but important still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26482918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Oi, have you heard?” Hanamaki opened, “Oikawa said he’s coming back next week, for a visit.”“Yeah,” Hajime sighed, “he already talked to me. I’m letting him stay at my place.”Hanamaki stared at him. “You sure?”“I’ll be ok,” he reassured.He wasn’t okay.or: oikawa comes back smoking hot, and hajime has childhood trauma.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 80





	i just want somebody (near me)

“Oi, have you heard?” Hanamaki opened, “Oikawa said he’s coming back next week, for a visit.”

“Yeah,” Hajime sighed, “he already talked to me. I’m letting him stay at my place.”

Hanamaki stared at him. “You sure?”

“I’ll be ok,” he reassured.

֎֎֎

He wasn’t okay. Oikawa’s plane had landed a couple hours ago, he insisted he would take a taxi to Hajime’s apartment despite Hajime’s countless offers to pick him up himself. Hajime was getting antsy, Oikawa should arrive any minute now. Is he ready to see him?

At 26, it was a little embarrassing, calling what he had ‘a crush’. Hajime will let you know, it isn’t, (it is, and has been for a good few years now). 

He had accepted it long ago, that his feelings won’t be returned. Hajime never confessed and never felt the need to. He was sure Oikawa knew already, and if he hadn't pushed him away, it meant he was okay with it, so Hajime had very little to worry about when Oikawa was away. Which is why he wasn’t okay.

Hajime had a one bedroom apartment, one bed, no extra futon or mattress, and a tiny sofa. Considering all that, it meant pretty much one thing: Oikawa and Hajime were going to have to share.

In the time he took to anxiously wait and overthink just about everything, he heard a knock on the door. Hajime took a deep breath, prepared himself, and opened the door.

Holy shit, he was not ready. In the doorway stood Oikawa, definitely taller than the last time Hajime had seen him, bigger and broader, hair cut sharp and short, and tanned skin. Hajime was fucked. 

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa greeted him, pulling him into a tight embrace. “It’s so good to see you! Thank you for letting me stay over!”

“Of course, Oikawa. That’s what friends are for, welcome back,” Hajime smiled at him, letting him into the apartment. “Let me,” he said, taking the luggage from Oikawa and putting it in his bedroom to be unloaded and tidied later.

“My, Iwa-chan, ever the gentleman,” Oikawa fawned over the simple friendly gesture. 

“Shut up,” he got in return.

“No need to be rude, Iwa-chan! I only just arrived,” Oikawa pouted childishly, “well, where are we meeting Makki and Mattsun?” he asked eagerly.

“Oh, about that,” Hajime started, “they are both busy today. They told me to say sorry. Sorry.” He apologized.

“Iwa-chan, no worries! This just means I get to spend the whole day with you!” he exclaimed, leaning into Hajime’s personal space. Hajime pushed him off and took a step to the side. “Stop it,” he frowned up at him.

“Well, where are we headed? What exciting day has Iwa-chan planned for us?”

“We can order take-out and watch a movie, or we can heat up leftovers and watch a movie.” Hajime stated, bored. Oikawa looked at him like he had grown a second head. “What?” Hajime questioned, after a few moments of silence.

“What do you mean, what? Iwa-chan, I thought you would plan a great evening for the both of us! Something fun, maybe going out drinking, or dinner at a fancy restaurant!” Oikawa complained, “Why do you want to stay in?”

‘So I don’t accidently think of it as a date’, he thinks, but doesn’t speak it. “Because it's eleven PM, you just flew in from South America, who knows how long that trip was, and you’re telling me you want to go out? Aren’t you totally exhausted? I definitely thought you’d be,” he explained, “that’s why I didn’t plan anything, I thought you would head straight to bed.”

Oikawa looked at him, a wide grin forming on his face, “you were thinking about me! Worrying about me! Iwa-chan, I always knew you cared,” he yelled, even though Hajime was standing three steps away from him, “Let’s order take-out then. I get to choose the movie!”

“Alright, alright. What do you want to eat?”

֎֎֎

“Pizza’s here,” Hajime announced, placing the boxes on the coffee table in front of Oikawa. “What did you choose? Aliens again?” Hajime chuckled. “No,” Oikawa said, I’ll have you know it is Howl’s Moving Castle, sit down, let’s watch it.” 

Hajime sat down a safe distance away, only to have it mean nothing to Oikawa, who closed the distance immediately. “Personal space, Oikawa, we talked about this,” Hajime sighed. 

“But, Iwa-chan, I haven't seen you in ages! Please?” he asked, with big puppy-dog eyes. Hajime had no choice but to comply. He can't really say no to Oikawa. “Fine,” he groaned. Oikawa cheered and played the movie. Hajime tries to look like he isn’t suffering at how their thighs are touching.

Two boxes of pizza and two thirds of the movie later, Hajime felt a head resting on his shoulder. Oikawa had fallen asleep on him. Shrugging lightly, he tried to wake Oikawa up, but it didn't work. It’s clear he’s exhausted, after a trip as long as his. “Hey. Oikawa. Movie’s not over. Wake up,” he whispered. 

“Don’t wanna, you are comfy,” Oikawa objects.

“You can’t say no. At least get off my shoulder, your huge head is heavy.”

“Hey!”

“Get up or I’ll go for your legs next.”

“My legs are gorgeous and you know it. Leave them alone.”

“I will, if you get up and go to bed. C’mon, if you're tired at least get a good night’s sleep.”

“Fine, but only because you asked so nicely, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime stood up and helped Oikawa get up as well. Oikawa was tired, leaning on Hajime all the way to his bed. 

“We’re sharing the bed. Don’t make it weird. Don’t steal my blanket, you have your own. Good night.” Hajime said quickly and got into bed, holding onto a second pillow.

“Iwa-chan cares about me so much, are you my mom, Iwa-chan? You can’t be, look at you, you're so small. My tiny Iwa-chan.”

“I'm not small, asshole, you just grew a little in Argentina,” Hajime defended.

“Yeah, and you stayed the same size!” Oikawa laughed. 

“Laugh at my height one more time, Oikawa, I swear,” Hajime tried to threaten.

“Or what? You’ll headbutt me in the chest? Tiny Iwa-chan, so wittle, so small,” Oikawa joked on and on, baby-voicing at Hajime. He stopped eventually, looked at the unamused man lying next to him. “Cuddle me, Iwa-chan.” 

“No,” Hajime refused. 

“Please, Iwa-chan! I'm way better than that pillow you’re holding, and I’m cold, please,” he requested, giving him, yet again, the puppy-dog eyes. Fuck, he can’t say no to those. But right now, he has to. If he cuddles with Oikawa, he will be able to feel his heart beating impossibly fast. Hajime didn't want to be ridiculed for yet another thing tonight. 

“No,” he refused again, “besides, if I'm so tiny and small, shouldn't you be the one cuddling me?” he tried to mock Oikawa, but it seems he only gave him an idea. 

“Alright,” Oikawa agrees quickly, sliding a hand over Hajime's stomach, touching the bare skin of where his shirt had ridden up. 

Hajime tried to fall asleep like that, tried not to mind the hand over his stomach, the chest pressed up to his back, but Oikawa had pulled him even closer, and he couldn't handle that, not right now.

“Ok, no, stop,” Hajime tried to wriggle out of the tight hold Oikawa has him in.

“But why, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa didn’t let go still, probably thinking this is only a game. It’s not.

“Oikawa, I can’t, let go,” Hajime fought with more force now, Oikawa seemed to get the message, let him go, confusion clear on his face. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m going to sleep on the sofa. You can have the bed. You’re exhausted. Good night.” 

He walked out of the room, shutting the door softly behind him. He walked to the living room, backed up to the wall, slid down and sat on the floor. He tried to get his heart to stop beating so fast, make his skin stop crawling. 

Resting his head on his knees, he stayed on the floor for a while, until a yawn reminded him he needed to sleep. He walked to the sofa and lay down. He tried not to think about what had happened, most definitely tried to avoid thinking about his reaction, and Oikawa’s. He looked hurt, confused, and worried. Hajime didn't want him to be any of those things

Eventually he fell asleep. 

֎֎֎

Light coming from the large living room windows awoke him. Hajime opened his eyes to stare at the living room ceiling, before gathering strength to go cook breakfast for two. He made Oikawa’s favourite, set the table and got started on coffee. After everything was ready he went into the bedroom, where Oikawa was still sleeping.

He sat on the edge of the bed, thinking back to the night before. He shouldn’t have reacted with force but he had felt like he had to. After a few minutes, he decided to try and let go.

“Oikawa. Hey, Oikawa. Wake up. I made breakfast,” Hajime shakes Oikawa softly. It doesn’t seem to work. “c’mon, Oikawa, wake up,” he says a little louder. “Tooru.” 

Oikawa opens his eyes. “Yes, Hajime?”

The scratchy, sleepy voice, saying his name like that, softly, tenderly, made Hajime fall in love all over again. “I- I made breakfast. Wake up so we can eat.” he coughed and exited the room quickly.

There wasn’t anything odd with Oikawa using his first name, he did that whenever he felt like it, but there was a certain something in how he said his name just now, voice deep, tired, hot. Hajime hoped his face wasn’t red anymore as he heard Oikawa leaving the bathroom and entering the kitchen. 

“Good morning,” Oikawa greeted him as he sat down. 

They ate in silence.

“Okay, no, we can’t be like that,” Oikawa groaned, “tell me what’s wrong, please. I’m sorry.”

“You know I like my personal space. That’s all, really,” Hajime lied.

“I don’t believe you for a second, Iwa-chan. You’re a terrible liar.” Oikawa sounded concerned. Hajime didn’t want this to happen, didn’t plan on this to happen.

“Let it go, Oikawa, I hated being touched since before middle school. You know that.” he tried to reason.

“Yeah, but you've never reacted like that! Definitely not towards me! Did I do something? Are you mad at me?” the hurt in his voice was undeniable. Hajime felt obligated to tell him.

“It’s no big deal, really, just… my dad, he didn't do anything terrible, just, ugh,” Hajime paused for a second, he hated talking about this. “He wanted me to hug him a lot. I didn't want to, so he’d force me. To hug him. Nothing serious really, no abuse or anything, he’d just get so mad when I didn’t want to hug him, saying he’s my dad and I’m his kid, and he has the right to do whatever he wants and stuff, and I was like, eight, I didn't even come out yet, and he saw me as his ‘unloving daughter’, it was annoying mostly, but as I grew up and he stopped, I realized how much that affected me, you know? Imagine your dad basically teaching you that you have to control over your body because you're his child? I think it kind of fucked with my opinions about intimacy.” he took a deep breath, looking into Oikawa’s eyes, “You just caught me in the wrong time. It’s not your fault.”

After a moment of nothing from Oikawa, he added, “So I’m sorry I reacted like that.”

“What the fuck, Hajime?!” Oikawa yelled. 

Hajime was taken aback, he didn't expect Oikawa to yell at him. “I- uh- no-” he stuttered.

“You’re apologizing?! I’m the one who needs to apologize, what the hell,” he continued, tone remorseful, “I’m sorry, Hajime.”

All Hajime could think of was Oikawa’s voice, in that sincere, apologetic tone, saying his name, his mind replaying the sound of it, Hajime Hajime Hajime Hajime Hajime, and of course he couldn't be mad anymore, he wasn't even angry to begin with. “It’s okay,” he breathed.

Oikawa’s features relaxed in a second, and he let out a sigh, clearly worried still, but taking Hajime’s word for it. “Do you want me to make you tea?” he suggests. Hajime nods quietly.

“I always knew your dad was a prick, but damn, that’s a new level.”

“Nah, I still think disowning your Trans child takes the cake.”

“Oh, Hajime, no-” 

“It’s ok, I’m over him. Mostly. Don’t really care about him anymore.”

“If I knew any sooner I would’ve beaten him up on sight, fucking up your entire childhood like that.”

Oikawa places the mug in front of hajime, on the kitchen table. “Here, I’ll start on the dishes.”

Too tired to do the dishes himself, hajime complied, a small ‘thank you’ escaping his mouth. 

“Are we meeting Makki and Mattsun today, or are they still busy?” Oikawa asks, polishing a plate.

“Makki told me they’ll both drop by later.”

“Will they bring drinks?”

“Yes, what do you even expect?”

Hanamaki and Matsukawa did in fact bring drinks. So much of them. So much alcohol it almost looked like they were throwing a frat party. That’s a whole lot of alcohol to share between the four of them. Three, actually. Hajime doesn’t really drink.

֎֎֎

“I will literally hang you by the feet and let birds eat your corps if you throw up on the carpet, Trashykawa.” Hajime threatened, dragging Oikawa to the bathroom so he can at least throw up into the toilet. Makki and Mattsun are left to give themselves an alcohol poisoning in the living room.

“What a way to treat a drunk person! Have some emp-empe-” Oikawa struggled.

“Empathy, dumbass, and you didn’t have to drink for both of us. God, you are stupid. Can you die faster? This is gross.” Hajime looked away as Oikawa emptied all that was in his stomach into the toilet.

“Iwa-chan, be nice, I’m sick! Poor me! Care for me!” Oikawa cried out, looking at Hajime with a pout. 

“Don’t look at me like that. C’mon, let’s get you to bed. The other two idiots can figure it out themselves,” Hajime groaned, trying and failing miserably to lift Oikawa off the floor.

Oikawa got up by himself and followed Hajime into his bedroom. Oikawa sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at Hajime, with eyes that were filled to the brim with sadness. “Say, Iwa-chan,” he started, voice almost quivering, “did I do something? Do you hate me now?” he was almost crying. Stupid alcohol. 

Hajime didn’t know how to respond.

“I won’t blame you if you do, y’know. I get it. I probably freaked you out. You definitely know now, which is so embarrassing and stupid and, I don’t know, wrong of me? I hate it. I’m sorry, Hajime, I didn’t mean it, please don’t kick me out.” He was actually crying at this point. 

Hajime couldn’t take it, he can’t stand it when Oikawa cries, because he gets the urge to cry as well. He didn’t know what Oikawa is even talking about. “Oikawa, you’re not making any sense. Drink some water and go to sleep, you’re so drunk right now.” He tried a logical approach, anything to make Oikawa stop looking so in pain. It only made things worse.

“Oikawa, no, don’t cry more, what do you need? What’s wrong?” Hajime was exhausted by now, but he couldn’t leave Oikawa feeling like this. 

“I need to know! Do you hate me?!” Oikawa yelled at Hajime. 

“No! How could I ever?!”

“Then why do you coward away from my touches, but you let Makki touch you all he wants? Have I done something wrong? Did I hurt you? Did you find out? What did I do to make you stop letting me in?!” 

“Find out what?! Why do you keep repeating that?!”

“That I’m in love with you, obviously!”

Hajime went still. 

“Go to sleep, Oikawa, you are drunk.” He said, out of character for the argument. He left the room and closed the door behind him. He slid down against the wall and put his head on his knees.

‘You can’t keep doing this, look at him, he thinks he’s in love with you. You are leading him on or something. How dare you,’ Hajime’s inner monologue went off on him, causing him to completely not register the door opening besides him, not until a large figure stood above him.

He lifted his head, to find an absolutely broken Oikawa. He opened his mouth to say something, but Oikawa beat him to it, “if I did something wrong, say it to my fucking face, Iwaizumi. I know this is beyond your dislike of physical touch, because Makki was all over you, and you didn’t do shit. So what is it?” 

His full last name. No nickname, no first name. Oikawa was being dead serious. Which means… “You’re in love with me?” 

“Yes, Hajime! Yes! And you can’t stand it, apparently!”

Oh god, no. no no no no, Hajime fucked up, they both did.

“It’s not that! God, no!” 

“Then what the fuck is it?!” 

“I’m so in love with you, it scares me!”

There was a minute of aching silence, then, “Oh.” 

“Yeah, ‘oh’! Fuck, Tooru.”

Oikawa sat down on the floor in front of Hajime, but didn’t look him in the eyes. He looked sorry, very much so. Hajime took it as an opportunity to explain himself. 

“Every time we’re close together, it burns. It feels so good, but it’s scary. When you tried to cuddle me, I was too overwhelmed by everything. Just looking at you I get the need to kiss you. God, you’re beautiful. And I love you, and it’s scary, and for the longest time I tried to hide it, and now you’re telling me I don’t have to?” Hajime let out a sad laugh. “Look at me, Tooru,” he said, crawling towards him. 

When Tooru didn’t look up at him, hajime took his face in his hands, lifting it, and looking into Tooru’s eyes. He channeled as much emotion he could into his expression. “I. Love. You.” he said, mustering his most convincing, most sincere tone.

Then he closed his eyes, and gently placed his lips to Tooru’s.

It wasn’t a good kiss. They had both been crying, Tooru tasted like alcohol, and the position was not comfortable, but it was theirs, and that was the only thing that mattered. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but pulling away, Hajime could tell it was probably one of the best decisions he’s ever made. 

“I’m sorry for yelling,” Oikawa whispered.

“Me too,” Hajime whispered back. 

Hajime stood up, extending a palm toward Oikawa. “c’mon, we both need to sleep. This time I will cuddle you, promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> let me project in silence im so sad guys............  
> also: iwaoi cannot be free of angst im sorry its just. no.  
> i love em tho
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
